Be Yourself

This morning, I'm going through the StrengthsFinder results that 12 Kats for Christ students took and am enjoying soaking in the way that God made these students. It is helpful to know these things and am looking forward to learning more!

As I see them getting excited about their pouring more energy into enhancing their strengths, I remembered something important about the value of spending time learning who you are! Here is the profoundly simple thought:

When you know who you are, you can be yourself.

This seemingly obvious and simple idea is deeper than it first seems. I'm amazed at how easy it is for me to slip into a mode of trying to "be" someone else. Here's an example. While I'm standing among a group of people it becomes obvious that this group (generally-speaking) is opposed to and even says some harsh things about another group who holds certain beliefs. As someone who holds that supposedly "negative" belief, I am tempted to "act like" I believe something different. Even if asked a direct question in that situation, I still try to "act as if" I hold different beliefs and go into vague generalizations of some kind rather than answer their question directly.

Well, as I've grown in understanding who I am and even what I believe, I've learned that I can actually be myself. I can actually answer a question someone asks me without worrying how the other person or group of people will respond! It is so freeing! It energizes me to be who I am.

What about you? Do you struggle to be who you are? How have you been tempted to be someone else?

Closed Window to My Soul

Today I'm wearing sunglasses inside all day long! My right eye is having serious impetigo problems again. And rather than having someone pass out after looking at my really red, puffy right eye that I want to scratch out of socket, I decided to just wear these glasses.

It is weird for me, though! Especially when I'm talking with someone else. Normally, even if it is really sunny outside, I take off my glasses anytime I talk to someone. It is an attempt to be personal, to let someone "in" so-to-speak. "If they see my eyes," I think, "they will know that I'm putting myself out there to be vulnerable." If our eyes are the window to our soul, I want people to know who I am. So, I almost always take off my glasses when I'm talking to someone.

That said, today is difficult for me as I keep my glasses on all day! I've had several conversations. Even though they centered on why I had my glasses on inside, I could feel the emotional distance. I was looking right at people and could tell they were wondering where I was looking. They rarely looked directly at me and kept shifting their eyes around as we talked. I tried to give them an "out" by looking around at other things myself. It is hard!

And tonight will be even more difficult because I'm teaching our Wednesday night college Bible class. I've debated about what to do. Glasses? No glasses? An eye patch? Maybe a pirate's patch! That would an an interesting spark to our discussion.

Prayer for Wisdom

I praise you, Father, for your presence. Today your wisdom and understanding wait to be experienced by those of us looking for them. Whisper to us, Lord, that our hearts may find you again today. Prepare us, Spirit, as we wait to see you this day in your wisdom. Amen.

"Happy are those who find wisdom, and those who get understanding, for her income is better than silver, and her revenue better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called happy." Proverbs 3:13-18

The Holy Spirit Preventing

I have always wondered about the following passage in Acts:

"Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and
Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the
province of Asia. When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter
Bythinia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. Do they passed by
Mysia and went down to Troas." Acts 16:6-8

What? Why would God prevent them from preaching the word? I thought we were able to do that wherever we went. At least this is what I tell students! And what is going on with the Spirit of Jesus not allowing them to enter Bythinia? Why would this happen? Basically, I am full of questions concerning this passage.

Not only this, but I have similar questions regarding my recent frustrations with LST in Huntsville. My efforts are going nowhere! Is the Holy Spirit preventing this evangelistic opportunity in Huntsville? I don't know, but why would this happen? Does Friends Speak need to be up and running before LST will have a chance? What is going on?

As of now, it looks like myself and LeeAnn are the ones wanting to go on a project. Even in my commitment, I must wrestle with the familial sacrifices it would take. I don't understand what is happening. All I can do right now is wait...and continue to wrestle with God's will!

Give me understanding, Lord. Let me be patient as I wait on your timing. I am dumbfounded...please enlighten me.