Monday, July 18, 2005

Yeah...You Are Fat

Have you ever met someone who always seems to make comments about themselves in front of you like "I am so fat!" or "I am really dumb!" Most of the time this person does not really believe these things about her/himself, but they are just fishing for some affirmation. How do I know this? Well, imagine if you actually agreed with them right after they made the statement. "Well, yes you are fat." or "Yeah, you are dumb." More than likely, this person would think that you were being unbearably rude and even insulting. This proves that they really do not believe the things they say about themselves.

Two lessons we can learn. One, we can watch our motives in how we talk about ourselves. Are we putting ourselves down so that others can give us comments that feed our pride about ourselves? Or do we have good measure of self-acceptance to where we really can say that we are fat? Everyone on the face of the planet has faults. We need to accept our own as just that...our own. So when it becomes clear to others that this is a fault of ours, we know that they have just learned something that we already know about ourselves...and there is no harm in that.

Two, if we encounter a person constantly fishing for complements, it is okay to look for ways to give them complements. They are obviously lacking confidence in themselves and feel they need to get it from others, even though it might be through deceptive means. The reality is that others do give people confidence. If I am in an environment where people accept me for who I am (faults and all), I can be confident. If I am in an environment where people complement me intentionally, I will learn over time that I don't always need to fish for it.

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