Not enough time

I want to ask God for more time this week! There is just not enough of it.

Today was filled with conversation with students. All of them were good! They were conversations that needed to happen. A lot of ministry happened. I would like to think that God used these conversations for his glory. He probably did!

But, looking back on the day, I find myself wishing I could have gotten more things done! I did read the Bible. I continued preparing for class on Wednesday (on Jacob). I made some headway on our LST information meeting coming up on Wednesday. I thought about Thursday devo. I thought about what the Lord might want to say through me to a big group of teenagers on Sunday. I gave our intern some assignments, our secretary some paperwork, and our dog a trip to the vet. But, I feel like I didn't get anything done.

It is one of those things that I experience more than I like to admit. I am working on things that have an end, but most of the time they don't actually get completely finished until the day of or the day before. I don't like that!

It is easy for me to ask for more time. I hate to say this, but I won't get any more time. It is not going to happen. I will just keep using the time the Lord has given me. I continue to pray that He use it for His glory. May you be glorified as I offer myself to you and others. Please give me words to say at the appropriate time.

Encouraged

This last weekend I went to Fort Worth, TX to a Let's Start Talking trainers and recruiters seminar. I got to room with my best friend David. The weekend was really good for LST stuff! I got to spend time thinking about how to tell people about being missionaries next summer. It really is a life changing experience.

The really encouraging thing about the weekend though was spending time just talking with David. Friday night and Saturday night we stayed up til about 1:30am talking about all kinds of things. Ministry, God, Jesus, church, discipleship. What was cool and encouraging was that we have been experiencing similiar growth in being Jesus' disciples. Each of us have been seeing our walk with Jesus in new, challenging ways. Both of us are being confronted with the kind of life to which Jesus calls his disciples.

Being ministers of the gospel we both also have challenges with how to bring others to similar places. All I can say is that God has encouraged us both! Praise Him for friendships like this. He really knows what he is doing.

Ask that the Lord put someone in your path that he can use to make you both better disciples.

What are you hanging on to?

Last night I had a dream about going water skiing. Now I have been doing this for as long as I can remember. Slalom by 12, barefoot by 16. I was also a ski instructor for a Christian Camp. I love it.

This dream was weird because we spent so much time figuring out what was wrong with the rope. Apparently, it was broken. We had gone out on the lake with a broken rope! We ended up on the other side of the lake still trying to fix this darn rope.

The other strange thing about this ski trip was that I did not know these people I was with from Adam. They were two older, fairly heavy-set women. Maybe one of them was a man. It really wasn't that important for me in the dream. All I knew is that I didn't know them, but they were trustworthy people.

Well, I ended up working on this rope for hours and hours. It was something about the handle. I couldn't get one side right. I kept trying and trying, but it just wouldn't work. By this time we were almost to the bridge (you obviously know where that is if you know my dream). I kept cutting the rope shorter and shorter just committing to start over so that it would be right.

I finally got it to where I wanted it. It worked! So we headed for the boat. (Somehow we had gotten on shore at this pig farm to fix the rope). When I looked at the rope however, it was way too short! I couldn't ski behind this! Great! But, I decided to try anyway...then I woke up.

DREAMS!!! Can't make sense of them sometimes.


As I was washing dishes this morning...the interpretation came to me. Here it is. Who is taking you for a ride? What are you going to hang on to? Just trust the rope and stop trying to fix it!

Here is what I make of it. The ride is toward God. Jesus is the rope! I need to stop tinkering with the rope, which is hindering my riding toward God. The people taking me on the ride are trustworthy people who know the way. They have been there before me.

Simple. Easy. So, do it!

More Rantings on Silence

Well, I am still limiting my talking. While I could probably speak double bass right now, it is better for recovery that I still not talk. This is hard! But, I am still learning from this little challenge.

When you talk with someone in a soft voice, they calm down! It seems like it is relaxing to them or something. People I talk to with my voice like this automatically begin whispering themselves or at least talking softer. It is funny to watch.

Their whole demeanor seems to change as they seem more patient and receptive to what I am saying. It is like this person to whom I am talking actually stops in their tracks to listen. A few have even forgotten what they were talking about because they were trying to hear me.

The lesson for me is to talk softer on a regular basis. People might start listening to me more. Anyone can learn from this, especially if they regularly find themselves in intense-filled, argumentative situations. Begin talking softer and watch patience and understanding creap into the conversation.

Laryngitis musings

I lost my voice on Sunday night! It still is not back as I write. It is different not being able to talk. I really do talk a lot more than I would have guessed.

Thinking about this for a day now, I have learned a few things. Among them is this: I don't have to raise my voice for Kayla to understand what I am saying. In fact, I almost don't have to talk. She understands my body language a ton! Hand motions. Looks on my face. Raising of the eyebrows. Standing up. All of this communicates a ton.

I have realized that I need to rely less on my voice and more on my actions. They really do speak louder!

Submission

What does it mean to submit? Is submission something that we should practice on a regular basis? If someone submits to someone else, does it mean that this person is weak? Or is it a sign of strength? How does submission line up with the message of the gospel? Can someone be led to submission? Under what conditions? Where does trust in the one to which we submit come into play?

I ask these questions because I wrestle with asking students to practice the discipline of submission.

Dentyne Fire Challenge Questions

I have started something that I find a little challenging.

One of my professors in graduate school would start off his class with something he called the "Hershey Challenge Question." Being a greek class, it typically dealed with some nuance of the text we were reading that week. It was never an incredibly easy question, but if we put time into preparation for the class we would have some clue as to the answer. Whoever got the answer he gave a Hershey bar.

I decided to start doing this on Wednesday and Thursday nights. While I don't have Hershey bars, I do have a bunch of gum to give away. Thus, I am calling it the "Dentyne Fire/Ice Challenge Question." I think it is a fun way to challenge students with questions.

The challenge for me is to come up with good challenge questions. Do I tell the students the topic a week before and ask something in line with what we are discussing? Do I just do random biblical knowledge? Do I ask questions on what was said in church?

I'm leaning toward something dealing with the class that is about to be taught, but we will see how it develops.

A Hamburger Lesson on Blessing Others

Yesterday we had our weekly ministers lunch. We went to a fairly normal place, McKensie's, and had a stinkin awesome hamburger! Something happened to make me remember that I am thankful for life.

We ordered our burgers as normal and went to the table with beans and our drink waiting for the order. As we left, there was a group of correctional officers were standing around waiting for their burgers. They were very vocal about how long it was taking to fill their orders. One was laying into the new girl at the front about how she was filling the orders. Apparently, they were watching her take the orders. She waited til she had 4 or 5 orders before giving them to the back. The were groaning and moaning until their food came out.

It was really annoying to me. I couldn't help but think about their conversations back at work. "Can you believe how long they took! This girl didn't have a clue! This place is horrible! I'm never going back there again!" I thought about how sad that is. Really great hamburgers forgotten and supposedly "ruined" by not getting selfish expectations of fast service met.

What happened was a really big phone-in order came in. This just put them a little behind. No big deal...understandable, in fact. Nothing to get upset about. I wish I could have told the one vocal lady about.

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This morning I woke up with a little sore throat. I also feel a little weak. I hope I am not coming down with something. I will take something when I go home for lunch.

I could complain about it all day, sucking everyone else into my OWN world of self pity. Putting myself in anothers' position (a good practice for everyone), I would not want someone to go on and on about how bad their situation is. I would not want to hear little groans here or little groans there. "I wish I could talk better." "I wish I would feel better." "Look at me" "Look at me." I can't stand being around this, so why would I want to put others through this?

Let's accept our situation and bear it quietly. In doing this we bless others.

Friday Retreat Thoughts

I really enjoyed the retreat this last weekend. It was about an hour northeast of Huntsville, so not too far. The place was really pretty. I loved the scenery.

There were only 17 students who came, but that was a good number. We started out on Friday night with ice breaker stuff, which turned out to be incredibly funny! Courtney did a great job getting all those together for us. What stuck out to me that night was our prayer at the very end. We circled up and held hands. If someone wanted to pray out loud, they could. If they didn't, they would squeeze the next person's hand. I invited the women of our group to pray and was amazed at who was moved to offer prayers! Praise the Lord! Our prayer lasted about 20 minutes and I was encouraged by every word.

As we were unpacking, Tanya came and asked me where all the refrigerator stuff was. I just stood there knowing that I didn't get it. We brainstormed for a bit and decided that it would be less expensive to drive back to get them rather than buy all of them from the local store. With everything ending about 9:30pm, I knew it was going to be a late night for me.

While many students asked to go with me, I told them I would go alone. This ended up being exactly what I needed! I really had not spent good time praying for the weekend. Preparing for lessons and getting all our plans set consumed my time and energy. So, because our vans don't have working AC, I had the windows rolled down as I made the trip back to Huntsville.

I prayed for each student by name. I prayed for their life. I prayed that God speak to them this weekend. I prayed that he encourage them. I prayed that he change them. So I brought each student before the throne of grace as I traveled the dark roads. It really renewed me and got me on track for the weekend.

God heard my prayers too! This year was not full of cliques and people who gravitated to their own group of friends. Everyone was mingling with everyone else. It really was amazing to witness. We actually looked like a group of people dedicated to glorifying God and removing all hindrances.

I praise you, Father, for that time of prayer on Friday night. Thank you for letting me forget the fridge stuff. You use so many things in such strange ways. Open my eyes to see more of this in my life.

Fall Retreat

We just got back from our fall retreat. We went to the same place we went last year, Pineywoods. It was a great retreat! God was glorified and we were able to really get focused on waking up to the life that we have in Jesus. I will probably post more about it later on today.

I wanted to say that I have that same feeling that I had in college after a full week of 5 or 6 major exams. It is over! Praise the Lord. I was able to teach three different sessions on Saturday and then a brief lesson on Sunday morning. It was good, but I am glad it is finished. May God continue to give us energy to glorify him in our life.

Receiving my blog via email

Well, I think you can now receive my blog posts via email. Let me know if you are having a problem with it. I will just add you to the list. Have a wonderful day.

Praying New

I must tell you that this last week has been a great journey in prayer for me. With the help of Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline I have discovered praying with imagination. Let me explain.

He uses the example of praying for a husband and wife and their marriage. The husband has been having an affair for some time and it has become public. You commit, he says, to pray for their marriage over the next thirty days. Using you imagination to pray for their marriage. You imagine that every time the husband sees the woman with whom he has had an affair he is filled with disgust. You imagine that when he sees his wife he is overwhelmed with love for her and wants to do everything he can to mend their broken relationship. You see them able to laugh together again, you hear them discussing hurt feelings, you imagine the pain of the affair being taken away.

I decided to try this new type of praying out. Kayla has been a pain in the rear, Tanya has had enough, and when I get home I feel the stress in both Kayla and Tanya. It has not been good. In fact, it had grown to a point that I was feeding off it too. Late one night I prayed with my imagination. I saw Kayla waking up without screaming while beating on the door she can't open yet. She was filled with contentment and ready to discover another part of her world. I felt the joy that Tanya felt when she would see Kayla in the morning when she got up. I saw the smile on her face. I imagined that breakfast and lunch were pleasant without whining and asking for "appi" (apples) all the time. I went through the whole day imagining what I prayed for. It was actually hard to do. And it took a long time to do it! But, when I came home asking how the day was, I knew the answer already because I had already felt it and imagined it before it happened. It is unlike anything I had experienced before.

When I told Tanya how I had prayed, she was encouraged. I told her that I was happy to work with God that day to make the day go so well. That is how I look at it. I am working together with God through my imagination to bless others. Wow! That is what it means to be "God's fellow workers" (1 Cor 3:9). I can't wait to tell other stories of how God and I have worked together to bless others. Until then...may God give us wisdom.

God Through Us

I send this in a recent email to our group:

"God led me to challenge all of us to empty our wallets for a little girl with cancer, Melissa, and her family. Her dad has passed away some time ago leaving her mom to take care of 3 kids. Recently, Melissa's mom quit her job to be at home with her, and paying bills was not a concern for her. Without any government support because of their undocumented status in the U.S. she faithfully said, "God will provide."

And that he did through us. On one Thursday night God offered this family (through us) $500.11 plus a gas card with just over $5 on it. When I got the final number, I almost couldn't believe how good our God is.

When I gave the money to the social worker last Friday, she was brought to tears. She couldn't believe it! God truly is an amazing God. And he is working through you to do amazing things!"

I got to thinking about when this happened. Thursday night is the night in town when the abnormal college student goes out to get plastered. They will go to wherever and take in a substance that causes them to lose control of their body, spending a sum of money to engage in this abusive activity. In start contrast to this, we were spending that night being controlled by the Spirit of God. We willingly submitted to the power of God to reach into our wallets to offer (not spend) money to God.

Think about the joy that both types of students experience from these two activities. One's joy is completely gone, a long forgotten thing of the past. Being overtaken by drugs, they might have done something stupid that lands them into a place that produces anything but joy.

The other's joy continues as they point to the God who did all this. They have something inside them that sustains them to pour their lives into others. The joy is stirred to an equal state every time they remember what God did through open wallets.

When we chose to let God work through us, we make a choice that lasts much longer than any other choice we can while here on earth. Choose to be used today.

Sins and Confession

Consider the first 5 verses of Psalm 32.

"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'--and you forgave the guilt of my sin."

What strikes me is that forgiveness is extended in the OT. Even two nights ago in class someone talked about how forgiveness is new in the New Testament because they didn't have baptism in the OT. This is a common thought, especially in our heritage. In response to this comment during class, I was reminded of this passage (Psalm 32). I couldn't recall where it was, but I stumbled across it. [Total side note: Funny thing is that I should have read Psa 32 on Wed morning according to the Bible reading schedule. If I had, I would have been able to mention this when I taught class on Sunday night. That's what I get for getting behind in my reading.]

Okay...so sin and transgression is forgiven in OT. I even read that the guilt associated with sin is forgiven. Holy cow! How does this happen? Well, God is in the business of forgiving.

But here is what seems to happen BEFORE forgiven comes: acknowledgment of sin...confession of transgression. If this doesn't happen, we see the Psalmist (and I know this from personal experience) wasting away. His affliction was deep down to the bones. His strength was gone because of the weight of sin he was trying to carry as if he were hiding it from God.

Once we confess our sins to God, the weight of them is lifted. God is a gracious God. He will forgive. Your lack of honestly before God weighs down everything you do...you (and myself included) can't fool God into thinking you are a good person. He knows. Confess it to him and let the healing begin.

Here is what I found in this Psalm this morning: be honest with God; even confess your sins to him or they will weigh you down so much that you are not an effective instrument for God to use.

Listen

This morning I got up an extra hour early because Kayla had been waking up just as I sat down to read the Bible. Well...that hour came early sure enough. Right as I woke up and went to the bathroom, I entertained the thought of sleeping in another 30 minutes.

I sat on the edge of my bed trying to turn my attention toward God. Surprisingly enough, I was able to. But, I decided to put my head back on my pillow fully aware that this is what I was doing. Right as I did this a song came to my mind. "Jesus is tenderly calling...come home...come home...calling oh sinner come home." I don't know the song really well, but those verses kept coming to mind. I sat there for about 15 more seconds before another thought occurred to me: "I will keep you strong." More thoughts raced in my mind as I sat up in bed again. Am I going to die today? Can the Lord really keep me from being tired all day long? Doesn't the pillow sound so nice? Is Jesus calling me right now? Am I going to ignore that call to experience his presence.

I decided that I would spend the next 15 minutes being attentive to God. I kept hearing the song in my head, but it didn't bother me. As I sat there, I realized that expecting God to "show up" the first time I did this is ridiculous. After doing this every day for a while, I might be blessed with an incredible awareness of God's presence.

As I sat there on the edge of my bed, I was quiet before the Lord. He began my day. My tiredness quickly subsided. As I took a shower another cool series of thoughts occurred to me. "The home to which Jesus is calling me is the home of eternal life right now. It is home for Christians to know that their life really transcends this life that we think of as life. Life for Christians goes far beyond normal life. It is an eternal kind of life. It is a life in the presence of God right now. Jesus is calling me home to eternal life today. I can experience fullness of life today through the transformative power of the Holy Spirit."

The Lord will sustain my day because he is able. I look forward to doing this more often. May you be blessed.

Samson's Subservience

Every time I read the story of Samson, I am intrigued with how his story is connected with God's; throughout the narrative he is God's instrument. God uses his desire for a Philistine woman, for example, as a way to confront the Philistines (Judges 14:4). The spirit of the Lord comes on him when he is killing his enemies, the Philistines. The Lord opens a place for him to get water (15:19).

What strikes me is that Samson's life doesn't seem like the epitome of God's servants. He kills people right and left, the sleeps with a prostitute, and he defiles himself by touching an unclean lion carcass. But, even though this is the case, God is close to him. The Lord uses him for greater purposes. God has a plan and he carries it out in spite of Samson.

It reminds me of our relationship with God. Not that sin does not matter, but God uses us because his plans are bigger than us. It is an image that God uses sinners. Think about it...who else could he use? Non-sinners? No one on the face of the earth fits that description.

Let's fall to our knees praising God for him using us to accomplish his purposes in the world...sinners that we are.

Joseph and God

I am amazed at how God uses Joseph. I wouldn't want his life looking at the things that happen to him. His brothers try to kill him by throwing him into an empty cistern. Then they decide to get something out of it by selling him to Midianite merchants who take him to Egypt. Once there we see that the Lord was with him (Gen 39:2), but someone else is out to get him: a woman. Because of her position with the powers that be, she returned Joseph's refusal to sleep with her with prison time. But, "the Lord was with him" (Gen 39:21, 23). There is more, but this is what I was reading this morning.

When I read this story, I always wonder how Joseph felt during these things. Did he just accept it? Did he lose his cool? Did he try to defend himself? Surely there was some of that...he was human.

I would be bummed about this stuff happening to me. Sure, I would probably get over it and accept it because I couldn't do anything else, but I would still be bummed about it.

This story, however, encourages me to know that God can be with us. In fact, he IS with us if we are Christians. God is not just watching our situation from a distance. He is WITH us in the situation. We have received God's Spirit and he resides in us. Our bodies are his temple (1 Cor 6:19-20). Be encouraged today. God is with you in your trials, not just watching you.

God did it!

As I was growing in the Lord, I felt like lashing out at God at times. At least those were my initial thoughts, but then I came to my "spiritual senses" and refrained from saying such things against God.

This morning when I read Job 19, I am confronted with a man who could truly blame God. God was the one who did it. Here Job says it. "...God has wronged me and drawn his net around me....He has blocked my way so I cannot pass...he has stripped me of my honor...he tears me down on every side...I have escaped with only the skin of my teeth...the hand of God has struck me."

Unlike my comments recently about Ruth, the story of Job tells us that it WAS God who did all these things. So Job is rightly directing his comments toward the divine.

I am encouraged to direct my objections toward God...no matter how harsh they may seem. God can handle it. I am honestly opening my whole self to him. I am not acting as if I don't think these thoughts. In time, because of my honesty, I might understand more of what happened or I might not.

A word of caution about honesty: I have seen people use 'honesty' as an excuse to continue to be bitter and hateful, even reject God altogether. Honesty as I see it always needs to be accompanied with love. I love God; therefore, I am honest with him (even when it hurts). I don't think the bitterness and hatred should remain in a healthy relationship with God...that will produce a chasm that might hurt the relationship. Honesty is a by-product of the love in the relationship. Bitterness and hate can be there...it just doesn't remain.

Gotta address this: The question of 'why' continue to linger throughout the story. Job demands an answer of God, though he will never get one. In the end we see Job saying...never mind...I don't want an answer. Perhaps we can get to a place in our relationship with God where we say the same. I probably say more about this as the story continues.

Dwell in the House of the Lord

Psalm 27:4 - "One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

When I read this entire Psalm, I get the sense that the psalmist had an intensely close relationship with God. No matter what was happening he never waivered from his trust in the Lord. It was in the Lord that he found his well-being, not in the circumstances of life. In due time, the Lord would come through.

Dwelling with the Lord gives me an image of contentment. If I dwell at someone's house, I have bags packed and am staying a while. It is not like one of those, "Hey, I'm just stopping by to say hello." It is one of those visits that says, "I want to know what it is like living here." We are dwelling with the Lord in contentment.

Let's make an effort today, this week, this month, this year, and this decade to dwell with the Lord.

Perspective on Life

The small book of Ruth is a great little book in the Bible. When I read it today I found myself drawn to how Naomi looks at life. Her husband and two sons die. One daughter-in-law leaves and the other, Ruth, commits to stay with her. Even as she tries to convince her daughters to leave, she blames God saying, "It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord's hand has gone out against me." (1:13)

A little later, she doesn't even want to be called Naomi (which means 'pleasant'), but Mara (which means 'bitter') "because the Almighty has made my life very bitter." Again she places God at the center of blame. And she doesn't stop there. She continues:

"I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me."

Who can blame her, right? Her world, her identity, her well-being is threatened without the men in her life.

But that is when God uses the most unlikely person, Ruth, to bring his blessing upon Naomi. By the end of the book we see Naomi as the one who all the other women talk about. They are the ones who see God working. God is still alive. He has not abandoned her. "The woman said to Naomi: "Praise be to the Lord, who this day has not left you without a kinsman-redeemer..." (4:14)

Sometimes our circumstances force us to blame God. "How can God...?" "God is against me..." "God has abandoned me..." While this is okay for a season, God continues to work. It is good to read Naomi's story. It is good to know that friends are there to point you back to the Lord. He will hear your cry. He has not left you without. Take courage...God is faithful.