"Would God really want to take my pain away miraculously right now? This seems like a cop out prayer. When would you learn endurance. This isn't going to last all day long. I need God to help me through the pain. Don't ask to take it away. This is drawing on God's strength, not yours."
Friday, October 31, 2008
I looked back through my blog entries searching for "kidney stones" and found that my last onset of a kidney stone attack was December 2006...before that it was March 2006. Well...last Monday is the new last onset of kidney stone movement in my body.
Not fun! The intense pain cannot be described adequately. Moving around not being able to escape it or get relief is a helpless feeling. The not being able to keep anything in your stomach is not desirable either. The crying out to God for relief seems fruitless or impossible in the moment. But...
As I was laying on the ground in the bathroom I had a brief moment of clarity. (Maybe that is what it was...I'm still not sure.) I began repeating over and over one of the following phrases: "Lord have mercy." "Help me Lord." "Relieve the pain." "Have mercy on me." "Please Lord" "Take the pain away." I would go on and on saying one of those until I felt like saying another one. Eventually, the one I settled on more than the rest was "Help me Lord."
My moment of clarity happened when I said a few times, "Take the pain away." I thought to myself for a brief second,
While I guess I really did want God to take the pain away (I do not wish that pain on my worst enemy!!), I thought it better to ask for help. This would bring God into my pain...the one who knows endurance through pain. Even though I used other phrases from that point on, I avoided asking for the pain to go away and settle on asking for help. I think this has helped me a little bit with endurance through suffering.
The saga continues as I recover from Monday afternoon. I have developed a little kidney infection, but antibiotics from the doctor should help. Praise the Lord! I am curious to see how this little endurance exercise helps me with other situations requiring gut-wrenching endurance. Feel free to share your own.