Saturday, September 06, 2008
Silence is difficult! I learned that silence is different than being quiet and different than not speaking. I can not speak all day long without ever being silent.
Silence involves not filling my time with so many different voices, with noise. Silence means being alone with God. Silence doesn't exist in a computer or in TV or in the radio. I recognized this about noon yesterday when I realized that I hadn't really been silent all morning; I had merely spent the morning on the computer without speaking, something I do fairly regularly.
Lunch is where I began to sit in silence, a hard task when I am accustomed to at least some TV speaking to me as I eat. After lunch Chica and I went outside to enjoy the afternoon. This was good silent time, but it ended after about an hour and a half. Coming back in I felt compelled to watch TV just for a little bit. Famous last words, right? I wrongly reasoned, "Well, I guess I am not speaking during this time, so I'm still being silent." I saw right through my hypocrisy, and I just gave in. It was too much of a weight to bear for such a long time.
I am dissappointed in myself, but I will try again. May God give me the strength to persevere.